Uncle Jokes

Deer uncle i want my condoms

What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands? They can both do dirty things

my uncle died in 9/11 he was in the plane that crashed in the feild

My uncle can't walk straight i think it's because he's gay

You know having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

My uncle sayEd to me once ur my favorite child and I said u mean Nece he said no my favorite child

My uncle got really badly burned the other day. They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.

my uncle died on 9 11. her last words were Allah Ackbar.

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, "No, shes upstairs with Uncle john" "Uncle john? i don't know an Uncle John." "no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy" "no i'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family." "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally. "Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now." "Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!' "Great job Sally! What did she says?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

then dad replies "Swimming pool? we dont have a...is this 468-1843?"

What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?

They both hit me face down on the table

I would rather do my own laundry not my uncle"s laundry because I ain"t no damn butler like Alfred from batman i don't live in no damn batcave by Gotham tity.

one time i was my uncle he said to me to pass him the marble in the floor all i heard is my but claping with his sasuge

Or is she asking her son, “Do you know Newton?” The boy said, “No, I don’t know.” She said to him, “If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!!” The boy said, “Ok, do you know Ikhlod?” She said to him, “No, who is she?” He said to her, “If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her.” The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.