Uncle jokes

In the French school, four sentences must be written. Fritz heard his mother say, "Close the door!"

Fritz went to his uncle and heard, "Yes, I'll put it there."

Then he came to his brother who said, "They call me Superman, hahaha!"

Finally, his sister looked at a photo and said, "Wow!"

The next day, the teacher said, "Okay, Fritz, it's your turn. Finish eating and take out the trash!" Fritz said, "Close the door!"

The teacher got angry and said, "I want to see the principal." Fritz replied, "Yes, my friend, I am leaving you."

The teacher asked, "I have forgotten your name, what is it?" Fritz said, "I'm Superman! I'm Superman! You're nothing!"

"Who do you think I am?" asked the teacher, who had become very angry. Fritz replied, "Wow!"

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

While fucking, my sister said, "Brother, you are so naughty! You fucked our elder aunt every day in the absence of my uncle and cousins and made her pregnant!" Little did she know, I fucked our mother every day in the absence of her, my father, and my elder brother and made my mom pregnant as well!

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."

"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Your uncle.

Some rules of childhood cricket:

1. Whose bat, his batting.

2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.

3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

What is Spiderman's favorite rice?

Uncle Ben's.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.