Turn jokes

Yo hairline so bad when people see it, they turn to stone.

"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"

How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?

Turn it upside down.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

How to turn on an Indian: push the red button.

What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?

Once they turn 18, they never come back.

Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.

Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

How do rappers stay cool in the studio?

They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

Do you know why they call me battery saver?

I get turned on when it’s below 10%.

I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.

It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.

The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?

One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"

The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."