Turn jokes

A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

If white people turn black when they char, what happens to the black ones?

Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

How to turn on an Indian: push the red button.

When you're working in the Twin Towers, but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.

How do rappers stay cool in the studio?

They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

Do you know why they call me battery saver?

I get turned on when it’s below 10%.

What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?

Once they turn 18, they never come back.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?

When it leaves you and never comes back.

The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.

What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?

Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.

Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?

Someone turned off flight mode.

(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)