Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"
Yo hairline so bad when people see it, they turn to stone.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
Chrome turns you into chrome, but there is a chrome back bling, and it does nothing to you.
You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!
Aw hell naw,
dey turned Spongilebile in2 a frigin generator.
Your hairline reminds me of a car taking a U-turn.
How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back
Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?
Once they turn 18, they never come back.
How to turn on an Indian: push the red button.
Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?
Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.
