Turn jokes

Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?

Once they turn 18, they never come back.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!

Aw hell naw,

dey turned Spongilebile in2 a frigin generator.

How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?

Turn it upside down.

"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"

Yo hairline so bad when people see it, they turn to stone.

Your hairline reminds me of a car taking a U-turn.

What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?

Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.

Chrome turns you into chrome, but there is a chrome back bling, and it does nothing to you.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?

When it leaves you and never comes back.

Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?

Someone turned off flight mode.

(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)

The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.

Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.