Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
Why did the rapper go to space?
To drop some COSMIC RHYMES
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?
Long time since I made a joke, huh? I used a Time Machine to make this one.
Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
There were four people who went to land... only three returned... Why?
They left someone for memories!
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.
