Travel jokes
I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
What do you call a smart person in America?
A tourist.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
Why did the rapper go to space?
To drop some COSMIC RHYMES!
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)