What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.
When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.
A Muslim enters a building with 100 passengers and an airplane.
Why can't white people go to Blackpool? Cuz they're not black.
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
You are able to travel to the anime world, believe me, Michael Jackson did it.
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
Hairline so big people had to time travel to find the end of it.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
Time to go to New York to visit the Twin Towers.
They’re already getting closer.
Me: Spanish teacher, why do we need to learn Spanish?
Teacher: Because you might go to Mexico and start a job.
Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
