Transportation Jokes

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids drowning.

The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"

Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"

"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."

"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)

Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.

You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.

But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"

A four-panel image shows a man leaning into a car window asking a woman for a ride downtown. The woman replies that she won't give him a lift because she's looking for a one night stand.

If a pregnant woman is under water, isn't she technically a submarine?

Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?

Because he's always calling shotgun.

What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!

Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.

What do you call an Arab and a black man flying a plane?

Pilots. You racist f*ck.

I saw a yellow bus and I knew that some-ting was wrong.

The bus was white.

People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.

In a white van.

What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a sports car in my garage.

Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.

Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"

So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"

The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"