Transportation jokes

I have a joke about death.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Think about it :)

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.

The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”

The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”

The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”

So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.

The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”

The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”

A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"

"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."

"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"

Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.

Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

I love bus jokes.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

Kiwi's forehead is so big when he leaves to go to work he has to use a sunroof to drive. 😏

A Ford?

Your mum is so fat, I had to take 2 buses and a train to get to her good side.

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!

Me dozing off while driving.

Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.

What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?

They always line up.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!" The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.