Transportation jokes

Why did the toilet paper not make it across the street?

'Cause it got stuck in a pothole!

Your hair line is curved like a moving train.

What is Beethoven's favorite vehicle?

A van.

What is a pirate's favorite ride? A carrr!

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!

What's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a car in my garage.

Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?

Because they have to pay for road tax.

Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.

What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?

They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Get in the car.

What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!

What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?

On the school bus, the pricks are on the inside, but on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Trump got a new jet.

He's probably already licked the windows.

Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-

My buddies think I'm on the lake.

Boss thinks I've been sick for days.

And mama's probably on her way

'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.

I've been a million places,

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Took a trip down memory lane.

Checked into hotel heartbreak.

Passed rock bottom on the way

Without leaving my living room.

I've been a million places

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Yeah

I've been gone.

All the clothes are on the floor

All the mail's by the door

All the whiskey bottles in my bed.

All the dishes in the sink

All the gas is in the tank

All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

Gone

Why was the rapper always late?

Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.

What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!