I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
What is a pirate's favorite ride? A carrr!
Why are planes the most dangerous killers?
Because they killed 2,996 people in 10-25 minutes.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Isabell?
Isabell really needs to go on a bicycle.
I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.
Witches do not wear undies. Why? To get a better grip on their broomsticks.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
What do you call a tire that is tired?
A tire, I guess. ❤️
What has 30 legs but can't swim?
A bus full of children!
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
What is the road on a hill?
Hillside.
What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"
What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"
Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!
Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!
Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!
Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!
A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.
When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.
A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.
The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.
Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?
It was ran over. 🐧
What did Amtrak say at the Olympics?
I AM keeping Trak!
What is a car that runs and can't?
What is your car's name?
I did a walk today, but it was good for me and my car. And a walk today.
What do you call a bus going backwards? A sub.
