What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
Where do sick boats go? The dock!
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
