What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To get to the other side of the TRACK.
I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.
Why don't rappers use the subway?
Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
