Transportation jokes
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To get to the other side of the TRACK.
I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.
Why don't rappers use the subway?
Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
Why did the rapper become a pilot?
Because he wanted to take his flow to new heights!
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?
Because their car ran out of RHYME.
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
What's a rapper's favorite type of car?
A RAPMOBILE!