Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
Three drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
Because it said, "Focus."
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Yo mama so thick, they need an aircraft carrier to take her places.
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
