Transportation jokes
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
Why was the rapper always late?
Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.
What did Rapboat's mom say to Rapboat?
"Is it in yet?"
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.
What plate goes to Bikini Bottom?
Malaysia Flight 370.
Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?
Friend: No?
Person: Exactly.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
Witches do not wear undies. Why? To get a better grip on their broomsticks.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
Three drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.