I need a hug
*hugs train*
Heres a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions- My buddies think I'm on the lake Boss thinks I've been sick for days And mama's probably on her way 'Cause I ain't picked up the phone I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Took a trip down memory lane Checked into hotel heartbreak Passed rock bottom on the way Without leaving my living room I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Yeah I've been gone All the clothes are on the floor All the mail's by the door All the whiskey bottles in my bed All the dishes in the sink All the gas is in the tank All the neighbors probably think I'm dead I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh) I've been gone (ooh, ooh) Gone
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.
Me dozing off while driving.
Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE MY WIFE GOR HOT BY A BUS!!! AND I LOST MY JOB AS A BUS DRIVER!!
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
You might think these jokes are plane.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
imagine u go to school right u hit the curve the bus driver be like ahhh how do i stop the bus students from the bus jump from the windows one of the students THAT'S a U Problem
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
