What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
Why did the 767 fly into the towers?
Because a310 dared it to.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
Kiwi's forehead is so big when he leaves to go to work he has to use a sunroof to drive. 😏
I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.
Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
Are you a highway? Because I wanna lay on you.
What was Hitler's favorite part of the car? The gas tank.
Why does Zac say he works at McDonald's? Because Aaron go errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
Gays are always welcome on my Redneck Party Bus. NOT!
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a train.
The potholes so big in Oklahoma Can make a whole garden.
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
