Transportation jokes
Timmy has 5 apples.
His train is 7 minutes early.
Calculate the mass of the sun.
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.
What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
Yo mama so fat when she wanted to get wet, she used the highway as a slippin' slide!
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Two boys are talking on the bus.
Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?
Boy 1: Oh, that's right.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!