Transportation jokes
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
What's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a car in my garage.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a BMW in my garage.
What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot.
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
What do you call a Mexican with no car?
Carlos.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?
Because she's dead.
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!
What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.