Worst Jokes Ever
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."
Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.
Where do walls shop?--Walmart.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?
Want my cookie? Come and get it... 😭
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.
So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
Bisexuals aren’t gay.
Bisexuals aren’t straight.
They’re graight! 😂
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
I will never forget my mother and father's last words.
"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"
What do you call a cow that lives in Africa? Moo-fasa!