Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
I am a fat girl.
I would tell a Koby joke...
But it would just crash and burn.
Did y'all ever hear about the great thunder crash of September 11th?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What is something in common with gay people and ambulance trucks?
They both take it out the back and go "woo woo!"
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many gray hares it has.
When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.
Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call DADDY! 😩
Q: Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: They come back, unlike their parents.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
Why did the banana like the movie?
Because it was apeeling.
On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
