Worst Jokes Ever
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
Why was the piano waiting at the front door?
Because it forgot which key to use!
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
Why didn’t the cat cross the road?
Answer: Because it’s a scaredy-cat.
What does an orphan call a family picture?
Answer: a selfie.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't reach home.
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating!
What do you say when a person trips?
You say, "Why you trippin'?"
What did the orange say to the other orange?
I orange you glad!
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
Why do orphans play Minecraft? Because they have no home.