Worst Jokes Ever

How do you start a school shooting at a black school?

Call the cops.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."

Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.

But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick question, feminists don't change anything.

I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.

Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.

How are rape and airplanes similar?

The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.

I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.

What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?

“Just beat it! Just beat it!”

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.