How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
Worst Jokes Ever
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."
Why did Billy fall off his bike?
Because his dad threw a chair at him.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
