Worst Jokes Ever

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

What instrument do skeletons use? A trombone! Haha!

What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?

He puts his PJ-Amazon!

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Father: You’ll need them there.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?

"Sum ting wong."

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.

in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind

Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?

Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"