Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between a microwave and a gay guy?
A microwave doesn’t brown your meat.
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
What kind of family pictures do orphans take?
Selfies!!
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. They got plane.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
Why can't Asians play baseball?
Because they ate all the bats!
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
Q: What's yellow and floats?
A: A bus full of children.