Worst Jokes Ever
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. They got plane.
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
What's the difference between a baby and a potato? 140 calories.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
But wait, what family? He never had one.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"