Worst Jokes Ever

Know what a 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

Explain Bear is my favorite.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

What do orphans be on Halloween?

They be themselves.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?

Non-buy dairy.

What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?

There are twenty of them.

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

Paul's favorite car.

A Carrera GT.

I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon.

Neil before me.

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?

"Sum ting wong."

Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.

Kid: Why?

Dad: So you won't get bored.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.