Worst Jokes Ever
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
Why are Indians so good at football?
Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free...
If you're bored, joke about an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
Segma says, "32!"
Ligma Says, "And?"
Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."
What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?
Nemo was eventually found.
I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!
Why do orphans not like cereal? Because their dad never came back with milk.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.