Worst Jokes Ever
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
what's a depressed person's favorite game?
hangman
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.
Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
My granddad killed Hitler.
how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?
kick his sister in the jaw
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.