Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?

A reptile dysfunction.

People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”

Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.

Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D

Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?

Because every little helps!

There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"

Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?

My granddad killed Hitler.

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"

"Wait! I can explain everything!"

What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

What did the balls say to the dick?

Hey dick, how's it hanging?

What do you call a cut cucumber?

A guy with no legs.

Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses