My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
What day is international terrorist day?
September 11th, 2001.
Everything is made in China... except for baby girls.
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!
There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.
Quote for the day.
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
Also, loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen :)
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Why do people want to jump off buildings?
Because they want to become Superman.
I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite song? “Little Drummer Boy.”
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
Your forehead is so big you could roast meat on it.
I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said, “NICE CUT G!”
I am a volcano.
