Worst Jokes Ever

Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?

Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.

A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.

The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.

Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"

The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."

What has four legs and one arm?

A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?

Because they make the toys.

My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"

Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?

A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?

Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".

Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.

There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.

What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?

They both choke on plastic.

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

I found out how to gain millions of followers.

Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"