Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?

To get a daddy.

What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.

What kind of bee makes milk?

Boo Bees

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.

Can I get a HOYA?

Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

Why did Billy fall off his bike?

Because his dad threw a chair at him.

Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"

Me: "They are Parental Guidance."

A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.

The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.

Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"

The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."

What has four legs and one arm?

A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?

Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.