Worst Jokes Ever
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"
Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "Sad"
Teacher: "Anyway, is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?
A bonnet.