Worst Jokes Ever
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?
To get a daddy.
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Can I get a HOYA?
What kind of bee makes milk?
Boo Bees
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why did Billy fall off his bike?
Because his dad threw a chair at him.
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.