Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

Their face when you nail them!

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

  • 8

    • So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.

    Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came home with the milk.

    Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

    Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

  • 2

    • So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"

    So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

    I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

    If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.

    Child: *drinking milk*

    Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?

    Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.

    Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.

    Child: *realizes*

    Sex is like math.

    Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.