Best Jokes - Page 38 - Worst Jokes Ever

Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"

So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.

Child: *drinking milk*

Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?

Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.

Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.

Child: *realizes*

Sex is like math.

Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.

What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?

Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.

What's 9/11 survivors' least favorite NFL team?

New York Jets.

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim is already in the U.S.

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Their dad didn't come back with the milk.

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

Q: What does LMAO mean?

A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.

I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave children's rooms with an empty sack.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."