Worst Jokes Ever
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.
What do sex and food have in common?
My sister makes it better than my cousin.
I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.
For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
Teacher: I was an orphan once.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”
Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"