Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.
Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)
Boobless.
Curry.
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.
He scares the shit out of it.
What do you call an Asian prostitute?
Suck Mi Dong.
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?
Because it’s a little meteor.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."