Worst Jokes Ever

Where do you buy a dishwasher?

Hot singles in your area.

You're so poor you wash paper plates.

911, what's your emergency?

Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.

Well, it's not a living room anymore.

Me: Hangs up.

I'm so gay I could barely think straight.

What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?

Mourning wood.

Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.

Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.

What are a group of depressed people called?

A suicide squad.

You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.

why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.

Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.

Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?

Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!