Worst Jokes Ever

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"

A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"

A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"

The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."

The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"

What's an Emo's favorite drink?

Water, JK it's cyanide.

When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.

What do the mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.

I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"

What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\

Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.

I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.