Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
Worst Jokes Ever
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
Your hairline is so far back, Paw Patrol couldn't finish their mission.
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
Go commit neck rope.
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.
So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.
"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"
"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"
And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:
"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"
Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"
Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?
JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."
Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
