Worst Jokes Ever

When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

You smell like tap water and cornflakes.

Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.

Them: You're ugly.

Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.

Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.

What did Elon Musk do after sacking half of Twitter employees?

Raped an eight-year-old girl.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.

There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"

The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

What did the Twin Towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza?

When the pizza man got there, all they got was plane.

What is one plus one?

It's TOO hard!

Bitches be like, "Read the room."

What genre is that in?

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.

Friend: I don't know.

Me: A black market.

Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?

Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.

Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.

Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.

Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?

America’s Funniest Home Videos.

(lol)

What is an army member's top drink?

WARter.

There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.