Worst Jokes Ever
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
I played Kobe Bryant on 2k14, but my console somehow kept crashing.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
What's a cannibal's favorite place?
A day care.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
The Twin Towers are like snowmen; they fall and crumble.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. And your mom is, too.
Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
Q. What did one Iron atom say to the other Iron atom?
A. "We're in the Matrix."
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
I don't know what to write here, just like...
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
Orphans want girlfriends to call someone "Mommy."
Why can't orphans have an iPhone?
'Cause they can't find the home button.
School.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet?
"You look flushed."