Worst Jokes Ever
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
What is the one word orphans don’t know? Homework.
What's the difference between Nickelback and a nickel?
A nickel is actually metal.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What song did Whitney Houston listen to while doing cocaine?
"Run It!" by Chris Brown.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?
Geico saves you more.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
What does Fortnite and real life have in common?
They both lost their tower.
What would a Down syndrome Ben 10 alien be called?
Chromostone.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
Why are the Twin Towers afraid of hot tubs?
Because of the jets.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
Why can’t the orphan play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.