What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
Worst Jokes Ever
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.
My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."
So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?
She screamed until her hands got tired.
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.
Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?
Then there is me: My life.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... oh wait.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!
"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."
I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
