Worst Jokes Ever
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.
"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.
"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.
Why did the feminist cross the road?
To suck my dick!
My grandfather said I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put her in a circle room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"
I wonder if Stephen Hawking has ever watched Avengers: Endgame... Oh wait, he can't.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?
Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
The "f" in orphan is for family.