Worst Jokes Ever
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?
Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Emo grass cuts itself, while transgender laundry hangs itself.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?
I've never been inside a submarine.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking hot body?
Cremation.
Did you know a full moon is perfect for a werewolf to come out?
I’m gay.
I got kicked off Ancestry for asking if anyone wants to fuh.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.
"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.
"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.
Why did the feminist cross the road?
To suck my dick!