Worst Jokes Ever
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
Emo grass cuts itself, while transgender laundry hangs itself.
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?
Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.
Who says “white men can't jump?” They certainly did when the twin towers were falling.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?
I've never been inside a submarine.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
Why can’t a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Because their focus is way off.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
Did you know a full moon is perfect for a werewolf to come out?
I’m gay.