Worst Jokes Ever
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait.
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Who says “white men can't jump?” They certainly did when the twin towers were falling.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger! You racist fuc-
People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”