Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
How To Kill A Blonde 101:
First Step: Get a pool.
Second Step: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom.
Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...
How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!
A guy walks into a zoo, but it only has one dog.
It's a shitzu.
I'm gonna make a documentary about meth-addicted prostitutes.
I think I'll call it "Whores on Ice."
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
How do you make a blonde girl stop screaming in bed? Pull out of her.
I'm racist.
I don't like green cars.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back...
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.