Worst Jokes Ever
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
Every joke I make about 9/11 just has a tendency to crash and burn.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t go home.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus terminal and a lobster with implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"
Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."
What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?
"Good Lord, this is fun!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could suck Jill’s candy.
Jack got a shock because Jill’s real name was Randy.
What's an autistic kid's favorite transformer?
Autistemist Prime.