Worst Jokes Ever
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
Why are some girls scared easily?
They don't have balls.
I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
109 countries can't be wrong. Watch Europa: The Last Battle.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
A black n***a crashes a neighborhood barbecue, bragging about his 'hood credentials' while hogging all the ribs and collard greens. The host calls him out, 'Yo, pay up or get out. Ain't no freebies here.' He laughs it off, 'Man, I run this block!' But the host's burly brother, who's been grilling the whole time, snarls, 'Wrong, fool. Time to settle the score.' He pins him against the picnic table, wraps a chain leash around his neck from the dog run, edges him with a vibrating basting brush slathered in hot sauce, and then plows his ass deep and hard, grunting, 'Now you're the main course, spicier than the jerk chicken!'
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
Is it possible to stutter in sign language?
Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s.
Don't steal. That's the government's job.