Worst Jokes Ever
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.
I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.
Why was Michael Jackson at Kmart?
He heard they had little boys' pants 1/2 off.
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
What do you call a white duck?
A quacker.
Dark humor is like water.
Not everybody gets it.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
Why can't orphans have relationships?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.
The direction I'm looking.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)