Worst Jokes Ever
The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It's the wurst.
Once I read a book about glue.
I couldn't put it down.
What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.
Yo mama's so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hisssssstory.
What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!
"Why is Peter Pan always flying?"
"He never lands."
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
What does a sprinter eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast!