Worst Jokes Ever
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
Why am I so sad?
If you put your foot in a pond, your foot will get wet.
No joke, I just wasted about 5 or 6 seconds of your life.
What do you call an anorexic person with a yeast infection?
A quarter-pounder with cheese.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
How many genders are there? One: Men! Women are property!
Why is the Moon red today?
The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
My whole life.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
What's bright red and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
My name is Gwen, and I say rape jokes aren't funny. It's not funny for people to have sex with you without you agreeing. Also, they're getting old and NOT FUNNY! If anyone has something to say, please do. Comment if you agree or not. It's okay; I want to hear what you say. Just tell me if they are not funny.
We will have a contest to see how many people comment on saying they're good and funny, or people saying they're bad and terrible jokes and should not be made. May the best votes and comments win.
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.