Worst Jokes Ever
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
How many Africans does it take to change a light?
A water bottle.
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
Me: What do you call a group of retards?
Friend: Down town?
Me: Nope, target practice.
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
I fucked my mom.
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
What did the first rape victim say to the second rape victim?
"You are a consequence of rape!"
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
You know Sally? She's dead now.
Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite type of basketball?
Dribble.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.