Worst Jokes Ever

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.

A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."

What is the difference between cremation and smoking?

While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.

There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.

I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...

What do you call a man who lost his car??

Carlos

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

Why is the sun lit?

Because it has much solar.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?

Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"

Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.

Me: punching a kid.

My FBI agent: You're adopted.

How do you get a baby to stop crying?

Simple... you staple its mouth shut.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"

Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.

My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.

McDonald's :)

What do you call an old snowman that survived till summer?...

Water... yup, water...

Why did a cheetah fart? It needed more gas.