Worst Jokes Ever
My sister is so short she can't walk.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?
Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
A: Because all shows and movies have a cast.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
Your mama is so slow, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.
Uremn es abarancin yngnumma gety asuma qshi tun?
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.
Why did the cow cross the road? Because he was riding the chicken!
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
Why did Ronald McDonald go to KFC to destroy them?