Worst Jokes Ever

Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?

'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.

Why did Santa stop at three ho's?

Ms. Claus caught him.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite type of music?

Rock and Roll.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite hobby?

Rolling on ice.

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

Why did Catholic women stop going to church?

Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.

What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?

"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

Your hairline is so far gone that you could build a runway.

What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.

What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

When is a door not a door?

When it’s ajar!

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans person?

About 3 years.

Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.

“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"

“Yes," replied Hodja.

“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.

Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.

The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.

“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"

“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."