Worst Jokes Ever
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
Why did the midget not go to bed?
He couldn't reach the bed.
I’m a clown...
And everyone knows.
Dad: How was your trip to the park?
Daughter: It was good until the man came along.
Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?
Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...
Dad: Oh God, what next?
Daughter: Nothing, that was it.
Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!
Did you ever walk into Steve Hawking's house?
"No."
He hasn't too.
What is Trump's favorite snack?
Cheetos.
(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)
What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover his butt-quack.
Three Nazis walk into a bar.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.