Worst Jokes Ever

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress up as the altar boy.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.

The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"

Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."

What is the leader of the school supplies?

The ruler!

Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.

I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.

It was one-sided.

Voldemort: Knock, knock.

Harry Potter: Who's there?

Voldemort: You know.

Harry Potter: You know who?

Voldemort: Exactly!

Knock, knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

Why did the chicken cro-

UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

Why can’t Chinese people have a white baby?

Because two wongs don’t make a white.

Bitches be like "you're racist." You're right, and I'm gonna win.

What do 9/10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

What type of gun isn’t allowed in Africa?

A water gun.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.

What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.

Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch cold.