Worst Jokes Ever
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
I think I'm a red zebra!! Cuz I'm stripped red, iykwim.
What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"
What can jump higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Sans: "Like, I'm so *flabbergasted*."
Gaster: "👌☼⚐ ✌☼☜ ✡⚐🕆 💧☜☼✋⚐🕆💧 ☼✋☝☟❄ ☠⚐🕈✍"