Worst Jokes Ever
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?
A home button.
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
Where do Sith get their clothes?
At the Darth Maul!
What has 3 legs, 4 arms, and 5 heads?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
What knight is never wrong?
Sir Tain.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Why is Sunday better than Monday?
Because Monday is a weak day.