Worst Jokes Ever
I just busted a nut. A ginger nut.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus!
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
What's a brother and sister from Alabama's favorite sex position?
The cowgirl.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?
There isn't one; they are both the same thing.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet all the koalifications!
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
Why do cheetahs always win?
Because they cheat!
What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.